


Four kisses that weren't for real and one that was

by bergann



Category: Numb3rs, Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Community: sg1_five_things, Crossover, Kissing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-01-31
Updated: 2010-01-31
Packaged: 2017-10-06 21:44:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,332
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/58075
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bergann/pseuds/bergann





	Four kisses that weren't for real and one that was

  
Evan had never expected to find himself in an Intro to Alien Life Forms class, and yet, that is exactly where he's currently sitting. It's not like any of the classes he attended in college, even discounting the fact that he's there to learn how to deal with alien life forms. Which he will be doing in two weeks.

A noticeable difference, aside from that, is that the class is being taught by two people. Technically three, but the big, black guy with the fedora hasn't really done much but stare at them so far. The talking is left to Colonel Jack O'Neill and Doctor Daniel Jackson. Lorne had gotten the impression that the class would be taught solely by Colonel O'Neill, but the Colonel hadn't acted all that surprised when Doctor Jackson had wandered in shortly after everyone else had gotten seated and said, "Oh good, you haven't started yet."

It's been an interesting couple of hours, to say the least. Doctor Jackson assures them there's a lot more to learn about the aliens that the Colonel is teaching them about, since the Colonel is mostly just going over the information relevant for them to do their job.

Evan gets the impression that Doctor Jackson would be much happier if he was the one teaching the class, but no matter how hard he tries to take over and go into more depth about the aliens, Colonel O'Neill manages to shut him up and regain control.

Right now, the Colonel is explaining how while it does indeed suck to ruin chances of alliances by pulling a weapon when the alien is just holding a weapon-shaped object, it sucks more to get shot because you think the alien is holding a weapon-shaped object when it is, in fact, a weapon.

Doctor Jackson has been making noises through the Colonel's speech, and as soon as one of the Colonel's pauses is longer than a few seconds, he jumps in with, "Diplomacy is always the best option. There are a lot of situations that can be avoided by smiling, playing nice and not offending anyone by accidentally threatening to _shoot_ them."

The Colonel rolls his eyes. "Fine. Class, since Daniel here insists, let's have a little exercise. Teal'c, if you'd be so kind as to play the local alien and we'll have...Captain Lorne as the team leader."

Evan's not entirely certain, and he'd never say it out loud, but he thinks Colonel O'Neill is laughing at him.

Still, he gets to his feet with a 'yessir' and walks to the front. "What's the situation?"

"Daniel."

"Okay," Doctor Jackson says and actually bounces a little with excitement. Lorne has a sinking feeling about this. "Here's the scenario. Captain Lorne, find a non-violent to diffuse a tense situation where a social faux pas has taken place, on an unexplored planet where the locals do not speak a language known on Earth."

Kissing, in hindsight, wasn't the best thing to do in a room filled with military personnel, although admittedly there's not more than ten in the room. But Teal'c tilts his head to the side and nods, "Acceptable method to try and solve the situation, Captain Evan Lorne."

"Well done, Captain," Doctor Jackson says and smiles. "Your movements were non-threatening and friendly. The situation would be solved, don't you agree, Teal'c?"

"Indeed."

"Alright then," Colonel O'Neill says, "Good job on the outside thinking. Working at the SGC, you need to think outside the box. Always."

*

The people living on M5X-416 greet each other by kissing. To not kiss the person you are greeting is considered a sign of great disrespect and as far as Evan can figure out, is grounds enough for the person that feels disrespected to stab you to regain whatever respect he feels the slight has cost him in the eyes of those watching.

After the first dicey meeting where Evan very nearly lost a significant amount of blood had it not been for some fast reflexes, he's gotten pretty used to the whole custom over the past two weeks he's been here.

Apparently too used, because once Major Davis walks through the gate and greets him with, "It's been a long time, Captain," Evan acts on autopilot and kisses him for the usual three seconds. When he steps back, Major Davis blinks at him.

Evan really wishes Colonel Edwards had sent someone else to do the scheduled check in. "Sorry sir, it's a local custom. It's their way of greeting someone respectfully. To not greet anyone in this way here gives them cause to harm you."

"And you didn't feel the need to tell this to the SGC?" Major Davis asks, although his lips are quirking with amusement so Evan lets out a relieved breath.

"We did, sir." Evan says; the 'I guess they just didn't tell you' going unsaid. They had, almost as soon as the whole issue had been cleared up. Daniel had come through the gate within a half hour, firing questions before the wormhole even disengaged. "I wasn't aware there was a crisis happening here that would require Pentagon liaison, sir."

"There's no crisis," Major Davies says, "I merely have sensitive information to discuss with Doctor Jackson."

Last Evan had seen Daniel; he'd been talking animatedly with the local women about the tattoos on their shaved heads. He's not entirely certain Daniel will let himself be led away from the conversation by anything other than mortal danger. "Good luck with that, sir, he's quite immersed with the locals."

Major Davis huffs a laugh. "Just lead the way, Captain. I'm sure I can get his attention once we're there."

"Yessir." Evan says, turning on his heel and heading back to the village.

*

Evan goes into the physics hall on M9P-920 and finds Major Carter bent over the main display. "Learning anything new, Carter?" He asks and she jumps, expression distracted when she looks up.

"Actually yes," she says and gestures to the papers spread out next to her. "This is an entirely different kind of physics than the one we use. Or at least, that's what it seems like so far. If only Daniel were here, he could help me translate. I've copied some of them down, but what if I discover I need another scroll to make sense of it? Two hours aren't nearly enough time in here."

Evan hadn't really understood why the Hyns had been so welcoming of the scientists, inviting them to study the huge halls filled with all the information the Hyns have, only to limit the time the scientists were allowed to study it.

They'd been told to leave in four hours. Two hours for the scientists to study whatever it was they wished, and two hours for a feast.

"What if you had a camera?" Evan asks and Carter shakes her head.

"They took mine before they let me in," she says sadly, and picks up another scroll, attention wandering again.

Evan grins and brings his digital camera out from his front pocket. "They didn't search me."

"You--" Carter says, putting the scroll down and practically running over to him, hands coming up to frame Evan's face and pressing their lips together.

"Um," Evan says and Carter blushes.

"Sorry, Major, that was inappropriate. I just-- there's so much, more than I could hope to remember or write down, but with camera I--"

Evan laughs and cuts her off, "Consider it forgotten, Carter. Carried away by the moment. The knight in shining armor always gets rewarded with a kiss."

"Don't flatter yourself," Carter laughs as she turns back to the scrolls, pinning one open on the table before snapping a picture of it. "Your 'armor' is nowhere near shining. The word you're looking for is 'dusty'."

Evan grins. "I'll leave you to your documentation for now. I'll come back five minutes before you're forced to leave, in case they decide to pat you down again."

"Thank you, Major," Carter says and takes another picture.

*

"You know how the Doc is," Evan says once Cadman's done explaining why she had shown up outside his door with a sad face and a bottle liberated from Radek's personal stash. "He's not the sort of guy to take the first step when it comes to anything, unless it's a medical emergency. Too cautious."

"Too scared," Cadman says and flicks a peanut over the balcony.

"I'd say more paranoid," Evan says thoughtfully, "Maybe he thinks you weren't serious."

Cadman turns to stare at him. "How could he think I wasn't serious?" She asks, "We had this whole discussion when I woke up. He was all upset because he'd thought I'd kissed him for entertainment value, when really I just didn't want to die without knowing what it'd be like to kiss him, even if I had to experience it from McKay's perspective."

Evan nods, because he's heard the detailed version of that story too. "Yeah, but then you kissed McKay."

Cadman scowls at him. "I regret telling you that. And anyway, I'd been stuck in his mind. I just wanted to know if there was a connection, if that kind of experience had created a bond or something. I mean, you would think it had, wouldn't you?"

"Not necessarily the kind of bond I'd go kissing McKay for," Evan says, "but maybe that's just me."

"It wasn't serious," Cadman says, ignoring him, "Besides, it kind of brought the whole unintentional three-way thing to a nice close. McKay kissed Carson, I kissed Carson and McKay."

Evan pinches the bridge of his nose. "Thank you, that is a mental image I could've gone my life without."

Cadman passes him the bottle. "It was weeks ago. I don't get why now, all of a sudden, we have to 'take a wee break'. He hadn't even kissed me in a _week_. I'm not a bad kisser."

"You're a great kisser," Evan agrees easily, not doubting it for even a second. Cadman has the look of someone who would be great at kissing. "Maybe you're just over thinking it. I'm sure his reason for calling a break is weird but something that seems perfectly logical to him. You'll be together again by our next mission, I'm sure."

"What do you know," Cadman says, but there's no real bite to her words, "you never talk about anyone. At this point I wouldn't be surprised if it turns out you're built like a Ken doll."

Evan makes an offended noise. "I am not built like a Ken doll."

Cadman smirks at him. "Then how are you built?"

He rolls his eyes but otherwise ignores her. "It's just not something I talk about." He doesn't mean how he's built.

Cadman seems to understand, her eyes widening a little at the realization and she smiles, just a bit.

They sit in silence for a nice, long and peaceful moment until she says, "Maybe I am a terrible kisser and just don't know it."

Evan places the bottle on the floor and leans over, fitting their lips together. Cadman seems to react automatically, pressing back, and Evan moves away. "See, I told you, you're a great kisser."

Cadman closes one eye and studies him silently for a while. "You're a strange one, Lorne. Some guy'd be lucky to have you."

Evan ducks his head and grins, taking another swig from the bottle before passing it over. "You too, Cadman, you too."

*

Evan very nearly doesn't make it to Los Angeles in time. He was supposed to have gated back to Earth three days ago, had even been packed and ready in the gate room three days ago when the gate had activated and Teyla had informed them that the others had been taken hostage.

The rescue mission hadn't gone exactly as planned. Which is to say, they'd freed Ronon and McKay, only Lorne, Cadman and Stackhouse had gotten captured instead.

Still, Evan thinks as he looks out of the window of the cab, he's going to make it. There's an hour and a half left until midnight, and fifteen minutes until the cab will be at Colby's apartment. Unless the universe really hates him, he's going to make it.

When he gets there, it's easy to hear that Colby has people over. Evan knocks and waits, exhaustion gone and replaced by a familiar thrum under his skin.

The door opens and Colby's face goes from laughing at something to surprise to happiness. "Evan," he says, a little wondering as though he's not entirely certain it's not a dream or something.

It makes sense, since Evan's last e-mail had said he couldn't get leave for another two months.

"Surprise," Evan says and knows his smile is wide and goofy, but he can't help it. The expression on Colby's face is better than he'd imagined. He drops his duffel on the floor, stepping forward to kiss him and Colby steps out of the apartment, letting the door fall shut behind him.

Evan presses him up against it, trying to pour everything he can into the kiss and feeling everything - exhaustion, grief over people lost - practically drain from his body until all that's left is a warm, safe feeling.

After a few moments though, he pulls back a little reluctantly and smiles, big and happy, "Happy birthday. Had a good day?"

Colby laughs and touches their forehead together, "It wasn't too bad, but it recently got a lot better."

"Yeah?"

Colby smiles and nods. "Yeah."

"It could get even better," Evan says, "except you have guests over."

"I can probably get them to leave within the hour," Colby says slowly, as though he's really thinking it over, "for the proper motivation."

Evan raises an eyebrow. "Proper motivation, huh?"

Colby shrugs. "Well, they gave me a really good cake earlier. It'd be a shame to make them leave for nothing."

Evan leans forward and kisses him again. "Oh, this is definitely not 'nothing'." He assures him, and follows him into the apartment.


End file.
